I am closing this account because I got hijacked and somehow I just can't fix it.  I'm sure you are not bugged b/c I never saw you online.. Well, I did for several times in the lunar new year of 2006-- the year I applied for this university.

I somehow missed you again, maybe b/c I am watching 'the lancet' . This show reminds me a lot about PUMC hospital and the time I spent there and you...
I wish you could see this blog entry. But I am 100% sure that you will not. Surgeons are always busy... and I can tell, you are not that into modern communication tools. You need to update your mind...

I know that you won't see this entry, so that I wanna pour out all that I bear these years as the end of this blog and possibly the termination of my unexplainable feelings towards you.


I wish you could recall this place. Because it took me a year to find this place. hehe, you can call me a stalker or a good detective. The center is still the same. It's just the person who took a picture at this corner is no longer there. Believe or not, the first thing after I arrived in AA is to find this place. You can imagine the excitement when I saw it. This is the first time and the last time I get into the hospital for you. Other times, for my own business. I was silly enough and thought if I get into this school we could get even closer. Now I realized how naive it was. But I was 21 at that time. I dared to dream and fulfilled it partially.

I was until recently, I realized that you put your Mcard on your white coat.. I nearly shouted it out. It's a Mcard! I dun understand why you just intermittently pop up on my mind. Maybe our destiny is not done yet or perhaps I am just trapped in this complex. No one could see their future just like I couldn't predict those encounters to you at the hospital..   It makes no sense to repeat it to you. But I will lock it and cherish it in my heart. Honestly, I idolized you even til now. I made a promise to myself, if someday I could be a doctor, I will be a good doctor like you. Pity, I can't be a doctor, not in this life. But I will get a doctoral degree and am studying under a doctor. This is my luck. and YOU brought me to this track that you dun even know it.

It's almost three years. I'm no longer that little girl. I become pragmatical  and become to someone that I am not familiar with... But maybe this is so called grown-up. I have someone likes me.. maybe just like the way I liked you. It is interesting to see the circle of life playing around.. I thought I have become a hardcore that I could just blow away my past. I thought I could get over you and start over at this place. But the story is written. Even you destroy my hippocampus, I could still retrieve that memory. I'm sorry, it's written. If it bugs you, I would like you to open up my skull and destroy that spot in my brain...

My life continues without you. My life always runs without you except for those days.. short yet unforgettable... After transferring to Public health, I perceived this cruel competition. It is stressful, frustrating sometimes even brutal. But, I don't quit. I don't quit because I made efforts. I don't quit because there are so many people out there supporting me and I am the only hope and pride to them. I don't quit because I want to show the world that I can. I don't quit because i thought you made it through and so would I!!! I don't quit because you were here!

But now, I have to leave you to get on my boat. I have to say goodbye to you. I will take nothing and leave everything here. I will do my best for my future not for you, but for the ones I love, and for people. After all, we took Hippocratic oath at the beginning of the school in PUMC. Choosing this path is also on my will. To care and cure more people, I will dedicate my life to the field just like what you are doing in your field. I feel a greater responsibility to the people and the nation. It's on me. I will carry it on...

这个epigenetics简直快把我弄风了！！ i thought i get it... but ... it's like there're so many new thing upgrading on and on and on... and i'm too young to touch it!